Mama | Entrepreneur | Author | Women's Digital Health Director
Obviously, our little ladies are in no way the opposition. The autonomy I am referring to is a perfectly normal and healthy stage of development for our small children. I will be the first to admit that, as parents, it’s a part of our development too. They are developing greater confidence and independence. We are developing greater patience and the wisdom to know when, “this one just ain’t worth the fight, sis”.
My “initiation” into being mama to two children under two taught me a lot about choosing my battles. Maya once wore mismatch earrings for a week and Callie dumped all of the folded laundry on the closet floor and explained that she was “playing in the snow”. If you like it, I love it. Alternatively, things that are important to my husband and I, like respect, core values and veggies, are very much worth the extra effort. Just imagine me giving full Queen Daenerys, Game of Thrones energy… “Beeeennnd the knee” (lol).
While defense has it’s place, I find that I feel much more in control of my day and my rhythm when I am on the offense, which is essentially being in control of the ball. Before we dive into what being on the offense looks like, let’s align on a clear picture of what it most certainly is NOT.
The scene is 6:00am and I am in bed, half asleep and convinced that the sun had pulled a fast one. “No way was that a full 7 hours of sleep.” My alarm begins to sound off as my signal to get up and get my day started. By now, I have hit the snooze button at least three times. I reach towards the nightstand to silence my phone…again. Rather than getting out of bed, I adjust my body to sink just a little deeper into the folds of my favorite blanket. My pillow might as well be gorilla glued to the side of my face because I can’t seem to will it off of the pillow. “This feels so good!” I begin to rationalize why it’s ok that I slept through several important parts of my morning routine. “Self-grace”, I say. “I deserve an extra few minutes to just relax.” With my face still glued firmly to the pillow, I begin my voyage down an internet rabbit hole. Random google search. Social media scroll. Random google search. Just like that, another 30 minutes has passed. I am now two hours past when I originally planned to wake up and here comes Callie, jumping into me, initiating her very own morning agenda.
At this point, I have officially missed my opportunity to start my day on the offense and to give myself a head start. I immediately feel rushed, irritable and anxious. This is playing defense and once I start my day this way, it is very difficult to recover.
My husband is a very involved partner and as cool as a cucumber 99% of the time. This means that I am usually on my own island of morning panic when this happens. He has the patience of a saint. I do not. God knew what he was doing when he planned our union. Haha!
Being on the offense, on the other hand, means that my day begins on my own agenda and at my own pace. It means that I can spend time doing things that set my mind, body and spirit up well for tackling the responsibilities of the day in a way that feels like more of a rhythm rather than a scramble. Beginning my day not only with purpose, but ON purpose. It’s the difference between feeling 3 steps ahead rather than 6 steps behind with something forgotten or not executed in the way I originally planned.
Do you find yourself playing more defense or offense? Are you setting the agenda and calling the plays that are going to best position you for a peaceful, purposeful and productive pace (offense) OR are you making adjustments to minimize the damage (defense)? As I mentioned in “Permission To: Change Pace”, I am working to establish a more peaceful and purposeful rhythm. I am learning that this all starts with how I begin my day.
No matter the sequence, what works best for me to start my day on the offense is to address five basic components that I will refer to as my “Morning 5” (M-F-I-V-E) or Marvel, Fuel, Intention, Verbo, Elevation. I am a sucker for lists and acronyms.
Marvel
The first part of my preferred morning routine is an absolute non-negotiable before any other part of the morning routine can begin in a meaningful way. I must wake up before the tiny humans do. Doing this one thing makes my entire day more productive.
Do you hear that? That is the sound of absolutely nothing! Marvel in it because we both know that these moments of stillness are short lived and require effort and intention to create. This is my opportunity to drink my tea or coffee… slowly. To look out of the window and take in the changing colors of the trees and the beautiful complexity of the horizon.
We use a silent alarm clock with our oldest daughter. We allow her to choose the color and she knows that it is not time to come out of her room until the alarm light turns that color. A traditional alarm clock would produce sound and our goal is not to wake her. We just want her to know to stay in her room until a reasonable time if she happens to wake up early.
So, now we are awake before the rest of the house and it’s time to fuel.
Fuel
It doesn’t matter how fast or far a car is capable of going if there is no gas in the tank. Unlike cars, we don’t have the luxury of an easy, 3-minute trip to the nearest gas station to be ready to take on the miles ahead. Fueling, of the human variety, requires far more effort, intention and good decision making.
First, I will state, very clearly, that I am not a nutritionist but I am becoming a great listener. To my body, that is. Start checking in with your body to see which foods fuel you best and also which foods are guaranteed to require a nap that you and I both know you won’t have time to take. A French toast breakfast with extra syrup may be a better fit on a lazy Saturday, not so much on a busy Tuesday.
We all know how important it is to drink water. What may not be as widely known is that drinking water, specifically when you first wake in the morning, is particularly beneficial. Drinking a glass of water in the morning, before food, jumpstarts your metabolism and your immune system. It helps to flush out toxins, lubricate your joints and muscles and improves energy levels. It also helps to improve your gut health and the appearance of your skin. I usually keep my water bottle by my bed.
What foods help you fuel for the day? Are you well hydrated? If you are not properly fueled, it makes it difficult to take on your day.
Intention
I like to be intentional about setting the tone for my day. What that looks like for me when I have started my day on offense is to connect both with myself and God through worship, prayer, body scanning, meditation or writing. This is my time to intently listen to God and to my body. Affirmations and mantras about both things I am trying to grasp and things I am trying to let go of are also very helpful. This is just time to focus, have a one-man pep rally and do mental and spiritual game planning for the day.
Verbo
“Verbo” is the Spanish word for “verb”. While I took Spanish for four years, I am still not fluent. Not even fluent adjacent (ha)! That being said, I do love the language and I try not to miss an opportunity to dust off my “Spanglish” (messy mix of Spanish and English). I love the Spanish language because of its passionate and emotive sounds. Using a word in the Spanish language felt fitting because I feel very passionate about what I am about to say.
This part of my preferred morning routine is about moving. Vamanos senoras! Let’s go, ladies! I want you to know that you don’t have to “be” in order to do. You don’t have to be a runner to go for a jog no more than you have to be a body builder to weight train. You just have to make a habit of getting your body moving in whatever way feels best for you. What’s even better is that if you want to be whatever that thing is… you absolutely can, mama! If I just move for at least 30 minutes a day, it makes a huge difference. In addition to its countless benefits, exercise literally melts away stress. We could all use a daily dose of stress relief.
Whatever your preferred type of exercise may be, strength, endurance, form and technique will come with consistency over time. Perfection is not required… just move!
Elevation
Elevate! I mean that in every sense of the word! Shower and do whatever it takes for you to elevate your environment, your appearance and whatever else needs a little elevation to make you feel your best. When my bed is made and I have given my appearance some effort and attention, I feel better.
I don’t mean that you have to put on lashes and high heels to walk 100 ft from your bed to your home office to work remotely. However; if that is what you choose, I love it! Do what makes you feel good. For me, that means putting on cute, reasonably comfy clothes, a “light face” (if you know, you know) and making sure my hair is neat. This can mean jeans, a sweater, a brushed back low ponytail, concealer, mascara, a pop of color on my lips and if my brows are in need of some TLC, I fake it with an eyebrow pencil and a little concealer. I am not ashamed to say that I feel best when I have taken a little time to look like I started my day, just as I said before… on purpose.
What does being on the offense look like for you? What is your preferred morning routine? What are the biggest barriers to your ability to regularly start your day in this way? My biggest barrier to executing a morning routine that sets me up for success is my evening routine.
At the end of the day, I have worked and shown up for my family in what feels like 150 visible and invisible ways. We all know about all of the things we do as mothers that no one sees. Not out of neglect or lack of consideration but because mamas have a special way of meeting the needs of our loved ones that they aren’t even aware of. At night, once Brian and I finish the kids’ bedtime routine, I just want to indulge in my interests and or/ make progress on my own personal projects. Whether that is television, an audiobook (obsessed), catching up with friends, writing, loving on my forever crush or just being still in the presence of God, I just want to end the day in whatever way feels good to me.
I have to remember that in those moments, the decisions I make will make the difference in how I am able to start my morning. The morning sets the tone for the entire day, so do that math. One good morning, followed by another good morning and another…. We are well on our way to that peaceful and purposeful rhythm that I speak so much about. This is a win not only for us, but for our loved ones because we are able to be more patient and present with them. Personally, I am able to spare my husband from the tired, overworked version of myself that pops in from time to time. He lovingly refers to her as “B.A.C.” or Bad Attitude Clarke. Trust me, when I am sick, tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired, I can be a real peach.
As a working mom, the JUGGLE is REAL! Let’s give ourselves a head start by developing and consistently executing a morning routine that sets us up for a day on the offense. Self-reflect on what your barriers are, come up with a plan and don’t be afraid to ask your loved ones to help. Whether that is joining you for a workout or calling to make sure that you haven’t hit the snooze button and surrendered back into the comfort of those bamboo sheets. We can start with just one morning at a time. I am going to make an effort to be more consistent.
Will you make that investment in yourself? Will you join me in getting a head start on the day and getting on offense?
Until Next Time,
Self-Grace, Power and Gratitude
